I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
