dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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