Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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