Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I intend to get homeless drunk
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
