no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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