she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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