so explain again why im purple
no
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
