First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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