Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
