watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
