We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
