Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
