Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Four minutes until I can fart!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
