Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize