Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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