I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
