If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
