Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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