I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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