Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
