Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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