The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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