Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
