So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize