he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
