I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
barbara walters just said penis...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
