Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
