you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
