I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
