think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize