I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
