Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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