i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
