when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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