He disabled his match.com account in front of me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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