Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
