just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
