Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
