dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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