please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize