Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
