TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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