Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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