hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
