She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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