those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
