i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
