Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Randomize
