Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
