So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
