Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
