:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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