I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
