do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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