so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
