Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Welp...herpes.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize