based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
