:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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