I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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