I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
