we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
