Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
