I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
