I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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