I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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