ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
operation have a gay friend backfired
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
