You just made me feel so damn special
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
