2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
