Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize