im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
