We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
