They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize