Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
