I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
