i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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