And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
