It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
