don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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