I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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