We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
