it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
