Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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