I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
