Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
