You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
