Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
