I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
