I am in a vortex of obligation.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
