Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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