new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
