i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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