Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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