you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
