My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
