Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
