that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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