in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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