All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
