we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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